Archive for March, 2010

Signs, signs, everywhere signs…

Posted in Tiny spaces with tags on March 28, 2010 by talesofanunfinishedmom

In my last post, I lamented the fact that I was feeling pretty friendless. It took a lot for me write that post – to put those feelings out there. I’d been feeling that way for quite some time and ultimately decided that it might help to put the words on paper (virtual paper, anyhow) and put the sentiment out there to the universe.

I suppose one could say that what followed next was a coincidence but I’ve had too many coincidences in my life to know better.

Shortly after my last post — almost immediately in fact, my husband got a text message from the aforementioned couple – the husband in  the duo, to be exact. The message was something to the effect that it had been too long and we should get together and threw out a bunch of possibilities. Without getting  into unneccesary details, I came to a conclusion that I’d been considering for quite some time. And, ultimately, the important take away for me was that it was quite likely that nothing that had transpired really had anything to do with us.

We ended up meeting up with said husband and his two children while the wife was out of town on business (that’s a hint). It was nice to see all of our kids get a chance to play together again as they do really enjoy each other. And, it was nice to  see our friend. But, ultimately, I left feeling kind of freed. I can’t explain it except to say that I had moved on to a certain extent. No remorse or sadness, really, just ready to embrace new situations and new potential friends.

And then there was a windfall of activity — a true windfall.  Two dinner engagements, a forthcoming invitation, and a talked about playdate all within the span of two weeks. And, perhaps best of all, one old good friend returning to the Bay Area. Yippee!!

I can’t explain this sudden turn of events but I’d like to think that the seeds that I’ve been planting for the last year are starting to blossom. Spring is here and budding friendships are cropping up in the most unexpected places. I’d also like to think that the universe is starting to give me signs of hope.

And, I’ve never been more ready.

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Friends…

Posted in Tiny spaces with tags on March 10, 2010 by talesofanunfinishedmom

Growing up, I never thought much about friendship. I never thought about what a gift it is to be or have a friend. I never spent much time being grateful for the fact that I was never without a friend. I always had someone to play with, someone to talk to at all hours on the phone, and someone to share my deep, dark secrets with.

Some of these friends I still have. Some.

I was never the type of person to have a TON of friends nor could I ever understood the tier designation for friends either. “These are my A friends or B friends.”  I preferred a small group of really good friends – more than one, less than five. That worked for me.

Fifteen years ago, I left my East Coast home where I’d spent most of my youth and relocated to the San Francisco Bay Area. It was a BIG adjustment. I was lucky enough to have immediate and extended family to connect with but when the first Friday night rolled around, I found myself longing for friends and realized no family member could take the place of a close buddy.

It took some time, and finding a job, but eventually I found myself once again linked to friends, including a best friend. All it took was for me to be in a position to be exposed to potential friends. It was that easy.

Over the years, I made several more wonderful friends and then sadly, one by one, I stood by and begrudgingly bid them each a farewell as they set off for  new destinations — Boston, Texas, New Jersey, Florida and Portland. It was devastating but I held out hope that with each door that closed, another would open. I also felt comfort in having these friends, even if there weren’t in my backyard any longer.

Like I said, I never had problems making friends in my life. Having said that, I have found myself in an unprecedented dry spell. Yes, of course I have friends. But, for the most part, my very best friends live far away. I’ve also found that I’ve lost touch with some friends. Sometimes, the business of life and raising children is too much for the long distance relationship to survive. Sometimes, you realize that someone you’ve called a friend for a few years, is really more an acquaintance. People change. People grow apart.

Last summer, my toddler started preschool. From everything I’ve heard, your kids are a great way to make friends.  The preschool is affiliated with a temple. I’ve been to numerous events, have run into some of the same Moms, and I’ve yet to make a friend. I wouldn’t say that I had high expectations but I figured there would be at least SOMEONE that I would want to be friends with. Why wouldn’t I expect this? It’s always been that easy. So far, that hasn’t been the case.

There was one family that we met through the school and for some time were getting together with regularly. It was a *seemingly* great relationship. The kids liked each other, the family lives on our block, we are all working parents; it was a match made in heaven.

Until it wasn’t.

I started noticing that my husband, PB, was more often the one reaching out to make plans and suggested that perhaps he let them make a move. I was starting to question their investment. He thought I was being ridiculous and admittedly, I questioned whether perhaps I was being overly dramatic. We agreed to disagree.

Several months later and, sadly, PB  has come around to my theory. I’m sorry that I was right. I’m sorry that this family who we had many seemingly wonderful times with, doesn’t appear to be in it for the long haul.

I’m baffled. It hurts my head to think about it; to try and figure it out. But, how can I not wonder? This is all so foreign to me.

I guess like everything else in life that runs in cycles, friendships can too. And, I suppose I’ll have to patiently stand by and trust that that the universe has a plan. I just wish it’d give me a hint.