Archive for January, 2010

Protected: Trying out Temple life…

Posted in Tiny spaces with tags , , on January 29, 2010 by talesofanunfinishedmom

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New Year’s Resolutions…

Posted in Tiny spaces with tags on January 7, 2010 by talesofanunfinishedmom

I’ve never been one for resolutions. Sure, I’ve made a few in my day. But, for the most part, I usher in each new year with few goals or intentions — at least not ones I put in writing. Not that I don’t have goals, I just never wanted to feel that feeling of failure when I didn’t accomplish something or put additional pressure on myself.

I think with my approaching “big” birthday, however, I’m feeling the need to write some of my intentions down. Because this year, I DO have some intentions.  They include:

  • Listening more and reacting less

While no one has TOLD me that I react too much or don’t listen well enough, I notice that I’ve been reacting internally to way too much —  at work specifically. I will bite my lip more often.

  • Speaking more of my truths

I’ve always been told I’m a direct person, but, even us direct folks sometimes have problems speaking our own truths as this also can make you feel vulnerable.  This year, I’m taking more chances.

  • Waving the white flag INSTEAD of putting on my superwoman cape

Hmmm…I’m noticing a pattern here. Most of the changes I mention so far relate to work. I guess that’s good. If I feel that a part of my life  is in need of an overhaul, better to be my vocational life rather than my personal life. Been there done that.  But, I digress. I resolve to let people know when I am drowning and unable to take more on. Yes, I am RETIRING my super woman cape. You hear me?!

  • Taking more time off

If I told you  how many vacation days I had available for 2010, you’d probably fall off your chair. It’ s some ridiculous number over 40 because SOMEONE never takes time off and when you live in California, they let you carry those days over to the next year. Not this year. In 2010 I resolve to rectify my workaholic nature on occasion and take a few days just because. (I should probably have a resolution about not being such a workaholic but let’s be realistic, shall we?)

  • Composting more

That’s right. I said composting. Does that sound too insignificant to be a resolution? You wouldn’t think that if you lived in San Francisco and worked for an eco-conscious company. Yes, I vow to take that LONG WALK to the compost can in our company kitchen even when I’m feeling tired and lazy.

  • Starting to think seriously about the future

This is a big one. Thinking beyond my current life, which is pretty darn good, is scary. This future I speak of will involve potential big purchases, a life outside of San Francisco, and some other large changes that I hesitate to speak about now.

They’re not sexy but they’re mine. And, damnit, I’m going to accomplish at least two of them. Heck, I already walked my lunch remnants to the compost can a few minutes ago. I’d say I’m off to a strong start.

Lately…

Posted in Tiny spaces on January 5, 2010 by talesofanunfinishedmom

When I started this blog, I didn’t fully anticipate how hard keeping it up would be. I didn’t anticipate that I would have writer’s block more often than not, that I would start and not finish a multitude of posts, or that I would have trouble thinking of things to write about.

This is especially surprising considering all the years I kept journals. Actually, come to think of it, there were big blocks of time where I didn’t write in those either. But, it certainly was never because I couldn’t THINK of anything to write. It was more because life was on an upswing and who writes in their journal when everything is going splendidly? You’re too busy enjoying all the splendor to stop and record your thoughts and experiences. No, my most prolific journal entries came when life was on a downswing — primarily as it relates to relationships with members of the opposite sex. When drama is in full swing, so seems to be the writing.

The complete drama and self-absorption that is the essence of being a teen, the dependence on this or that boy’s interest to boost my self-esteem — blecch. I couldn’t even bear to write those kinds of things now. And, even if I could, the only place I’d ever feel safe to record them would be in a very private journal that was kept  under lock and key and certain not open to public viewing and scrutiny!

Even though I’m not technically writing for an audience and have discovered that I’m actually a bit shy about attention, I do feel pressure to write about interesting topics or heck, just be interesting.  I’ve discovered that people are actually finding and reading my blog even though I don’t really link to it anywhere. That vulnerability kind of freaks me out.

Writing for the sake of writing, as if no one is reading, has proven to be really hard for me.

And, it really sucks.