Discretion…

It’s been a month since my last blog post. I never intended for so much time to pass by. But, life stepped in and dumped some big changes on me and since then I’ve been trying to figure out how to write about them with discretion. It’s been such a struggle that I’ve even had some regrets about not creating an anonymous blog to start with.  It’s a terrible feeling to think that you can’t be completely open and transparent on your blog – a place that you own and created for the sole purpose of sharing your experiences. 

But, discretion is important in my world. Or, should I say to me.  So, backing up a few weeks…

After a long, mostly relaxing Labor Day weekend, I returned to the office to receive some big news. By most accounts the news was good. I had just been promoted to a pretty big position within my company. Actually, it was more than pretty big. It was freakin’ huge. My immediate reaction was one of shock. If you worked at my company, or frankly, any publishing company, you’d know that promotions are hard to come by. And, generally speaking, promotions are projected to be received with excitement.  And, actually, there was a lot of excitement — emails flooded my in-box, passersby offered their congratulations, and I received many personal visits from well wishers. And, yet, amidst all of the excitement, I found myself feeling grateful but grim.

Please don’t misunderstand. Amidst the shock, there was excitement — a feeling of deep accomplishment after working toward this for a long time. But, you see, this wasn’t exactly the direction I imagined my life taking – at this point in time. I don’t know why I say that, really, since starting from when I was 5 years old, I imagined myself being some big corporate executive living in some fancy schmancy New York apartment. Not that I am anywhere near being a big corporate executive nor do I think the average publishing salary, even a decent one, could ever buy you much of anything in New York. But, I digress.

When I had those dreams, I didn’t factor in that I wouldn’t actually get married until I was in my late 30s. And, I certaintly didn’t imagine I’d become a Mom in my early 40s.  These events kind of changed things for me.

So, recent events and developments have come at an interesting time for me — a time when I’ve been desperately trying to achieve some balance in my life; a time when I’d finally maybe figured out how to squeeze in a bit of exercise, and a time when I hoped I could figure out how to spend more quality time with my daughter.

My new responsibilities are tremendous and currently, there aren’t final solutions for what’s going to happen to my old job, which I may not have mentioned, I’m still reponsible for. I felt like I was doing the job of two people before. I’m not sure I could put a number on it now. It just feels incredibly overwhelming, at times exciting, and mostly preoccupying. At this moment, it feels as if balance will elude me forever.

I’m really hoping this book will help me sort some of this out (one of the perks of working in publishing is getting free books!):

488195_cover_2.indd

New York Times bestsellers have all the answers, right? And, this book promises big. It promises happiness — for all working moms–whether you’re the CEO of a Fortune 500 company or manager of your local McDonald’s.  All you need are some good tools rooted in positive psychology.

Sign me up!

To be continued…

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One Response to “Discretion…”

  1. Oh wow! Congratulations on your promotion! I hope the book gives you the answers you need, and I love that you’re still in touch with the dream of the 5 year old in you, even though all the details aren’t exactly the same–it’s wonderful to have the essence of it driving your world.

    And isn’t it funny how the reality of our lives can alter our plans? I guess funny in an ironic way, not a “ha ha, that’s funny” way. 😉

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