Archive for June, 2009

Goodbye and Hello…

Posted in Mommy stuff with tags , , on June 30, 2009 by talesofanunfinishedmom

Today was Ellie’s last day at her home daycare. I’ve been dreading this goodbye for weeks now–months even.  For so long, July 1 seemed so far away and now it’s here, looming on the horizon, less than four hours away.

I knew that saying goodbye to these wonderful women who have taken such good care of Ellie over the past two years would be incredibly hard and I hoped that I would be strong enough to get through the last day without crying.  Crying in front of others is such a hard thing for me. I think it goes back to all those growing up years where crying was definitely frowned upon. I’ve been much more prone to it since I’ve had a child and while I had hoped that I could hold it together at the daycare today as we said our goodbyes, let’s just say I’m really glad I decided to wear that waterproof mascara. 

I know that it’s a wonderful thing that Ellie is moving on to Preschool. Really, I do. It’s just so hard to believe that she’s 2 1/2. Seems like yesterday she was only this big.

7 months

7 months

And now she’s this big girl about to embark on a whole new adventure. She seems excited. We’ve been talking about school a LOT. She knows who her teachers are going to be and talks about them incessantly. She seems very happy about it all!

I'm going to the big girl school!

I'm going to the big girl school!

But, I know that she doesn’t really grasp the fact that she isn’t going to be seeing her other caretakers anymore except for the occasional visit. I’m sure she’ll be happy when she gets to her new school and suddenly has all these new kids to play with and all these new activities to engage in – Playdoh, circle time, face painting – but, at some point, I worry that she’s going to look around and wonder what happened to all the other kids and what happened to her caretakers. And when that happens, I won’t be there. 

And just thinking about that gives me a big pit in my belly.

Advertisements

Rest in peace…

Posted in Tiny spaces on June 26, 2009 by talesofanunfinishedmom

I’ve always heard the expression “rest in peace.” I’ve probably even said it myself on a few occasions. But, in the case of Michael Jackson, I say it and I really mean it. Really feel it. He was clearly a tortured and sensitive soul who suffered at the hands of others at a very young age and throughout his early years. Maybe we’ll never know what really went on behind those doors at the House of Jackson but we can be sure that it was not something good.

Who could forget watching MJ transform over the years through the plastic surgeries, odd marital choices, odd everything choices, and bizarre behavior.

Somehow with his passing though, all of the weirdness that has predominated the media for way too long has melted away quietly and all we can seem to remember is what a GENIUS MJ was.  How much he brought to the music scene — his dancing, his songs, his videos – unparalleled. During my CNN obsession last night I heard an insight that really stuck with me. One that I hadn’t considered before. Michael transcended color. Before Oprah, before Barack Obama, there was the Jackson Five and MJ on national television for all the world to see. These glorious performers making us all run to our televisions to start grooving in our family rooms.

With all this said, I was still very surprised at how hard the news of his passing hit me. Untimely deaths are easily more impactful but there was such a deep sadness and heart pounding stress which took me by surprise. And, then it made sense thanks to another great musician, John Mayer, who said” I think we’ll mourn his loss as well as the loss of ourselves as children listening to Thriller on the record player.” Yes! That’s it. We all grew up with him. He represents something for all of us – for anyone who listened to music. And, who didn’t? Back in the day, there weren’t itunes, there weren’t a million pop artists to access at every turn or click. It was the record player and the record store and a few big names – The Beatles, Elvis, and Michael Jackson.

Since his passing a little more than 24 hours ago, I’ve been immersed in nostalgia, reminiscing about all the great times I had with Michael. There was roller skating at the Paramus Roller Rink on Friday nights at age 14 endless circling the rink, nearly floating to the sounds of “Don’t Stop till you Get Enough.” There was the huge poster I placed directly above my pillow to keep the beat going in my sleep. I was 18 now. That poster traveled with me to college. Then there were all the glorious hot summers, driving down to the Jersey Shore in my ’77 Toyota Corolla with the amped up stereo system blaring “I Want You Back,” “ABC” and <sniff sniff> “I’ll Be There.” I can almost smell the sea air.

During my 20s, I recall so many weekends where me and my BFF hit up the night clubs and danced until closing to the tune of “Gotta Be Startin’ Something” and “PYT.” Oh, “PYT.” I’ve missed you so.

And, finally, during my last few years of being single in the late 90s and having since relocated to San Francisco, there were the glorious nights at Nikki’s Barbecue in the Haight. The no-frills hole in the wall pocket of funk that drew way more than the fire code would probably allow. The DJ was a big MJ lover and at any given point during the night he would pull out the classics and the house CAME DOWN. I’m talking dancing on the tables, chairs, barstools, bar…sweat pouring down…such freedom.

I haven’t thought about Michael too much in recent years what with getting married, having a kid and perhaps, maybe,  having let the scandals taint my feelings a bit.  But today, all I can think about is how much he gave to all of us and how much he’ll be missed.

Michael, may you find the peace in your passing that you never seemed to find while living and if there is an after life, may it grant you the childhood you so deserved.

This is how I will ALWAYS remember you.

Change is a coming…

Posted in Mommy stuff with tags , on June 6, 2009 by talesofanunfinishedmom

I know I’ve been terrible about updating regularly (that is the nice thing about not having any followers – you don’t let anyone down – heh). I find it takes so much less energy to read other’s blogs and comment there than actually spend time on my own.

A lot’s been going on though. Primarily, the fact that my toddler is starting preschool in 3 weeks.  It still seems too soon even though I know she’s ready — and I won’t lie that I’m honestly not clear how we are going to afford the monthly tuition– which frankly, is about the cost of a one bedroom apartment.

I’ve known this was coming but with all the business travel I’ve had as of late, it kind of snuck up on me!

This past Wednesday, we attended a New Parent Orientation at my daughter’s upcoming school. This adults only gathering was designed to orient parents to their child’s new teachers and the administrators. And, by the way, I noticed something very interesting about people who work with children. They talk to adults like they’re children too.

Preschool Director: Now, there are a LOOOOT of forms for you guys to fill out, so, I would suggest that you divide it up over a couple of nights and sit down with a cup of tea or wine to tackle them. If you’re like me and love filling out forms you’re going to have a great time, but, if not, well, you might want to ask your partner to fill out half of them. I know it’s a LOOOOT of forms but when you come for your child’s first day at school, you MUST have them all filled out or your child won’t be able to come into class.

And with this she busts out a big smile and I’m thinking “Why the hell is she smiling? She’s basically scolding us and trying to make it look like she’s playing nice.”

Great – I’m already annoyed.

But, that annoyance was already set into motion when I noticed on the “forms” that the monthly tuition had gone up 5%. I had finally adjusted to the fact that we were going to be paying a monthly mortgage in tuition so when I suddenly saw a new more expensive figure and later learned that the tuition increases 5% every July, I was more than a little pissed. It would have been nice to know this ahead of time…I mean, we ARE in a recession people. And, sadly, the only increase I expect to see at my job is the workload.

But, anyhow, I digress…

I am really excited for Ellie to take this next step but I’m nervous about how she is going to adjust. How hard it will be for her. Will she be clingy? Crying? Asking for Mommy?

She’s been happily attending a small home daycare for the last 2+ years where she is only one of 8 kiddies being spoiled by the most loving Peruvian women you could ever meet. Something tells me the new Preschool is going to be a little different. First of all, there are going to be about 3x as many kids. Secondly, one of the teachers is male and I’m sorry, but, I can’t help but wonder what a young guy is doing teaching kids.

And then there is the drop off situation where about 80-100 parents are dropping off their kids around the same time.  That should be fun– especially when I have a 9am meeting to get to. I should probably set up a new fund now for all of the speeding tickets I’m going to be getting.

Ah well, I’m sure it will all work out. Right? And, if it doesn’t, well, I can always homeschool.

That last part was a joke.